Shut Up and Play This: 06/12/2009

Shut Up and Play This is a weekly article reviewing various games played by the author of the week in question.

Absolute Shit Game of the Week That you Just have to See:

Sega’s Altered Beast, now available for more money than you should pay on XBLA. Like everything from the 1980s, when you were a pimply teenager with more parts than your brain could actually control, you look fondly back. Remember how great looking that girl was in 10th grade? Remember how awesome it was to hang out in the mall? Remember the incredible music? No. You don’t. And you should never, EVER revisit those things, with a time machine, with a year book, on Much Music or by paying Sega money to reinforce that being nostalgic dickheads is good game design.

Great Way to Kill Ghandi

Civilization: Revolution. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, it is a great fucking game. Yes the framerate dips. Yes the AI is a little predictable. Yes Ghandi is a war-monging greedy beast. But this is the best PC-to-console translation, the best console Strategy game on the 360 and a great and highly addictive game, perfect for those times when you come home from work at 10pm and need to unwind, which Dead Space does NOT do thankyoufuckingmuch.

Everything Should be an RPG

Dead Space is great. I love it. I love the design, I love the gameplay, I love the care that these guys put into the game, and I love that they got horror. The Thing creatures meets Alien atmosphere? Yes please. It’s all great…
One hour at a time.
I feel, sometimes, that I’m on a Super Fun Haunted House ride at the CNE. Something might make me jump and hit the cat, but ultimately I’m always aware that I’m at the hands of someone else. I can’t recall a time in Mass Effect or Fallout when I felt like that.
I want conversation. I want moments that contrast with the intense alien bashing. I’ve centered that this is my issue with the game. I want to feel like I’m making a difference…
Also, I want to punch in the neck the guy that decided that to have the main character not speak…speaking of stupid fucking decisions that pull me out of the game. Oh I’m sorry…you wanted me to project myself on the character? So I can feel the pain he must be going through? How about you remove the fucking mask and make him talk about his feelings asshole! Thanks.

My Kids are Better than Me

Peggle: stupid fucking name, retardedly happy art direction and music that makes me want to kill baby giraffes. Yet I can’t stop playing this goddamned game. And now neither can my kids. My eldest, at 5, has already beaten my highscore on one level. And this week my 2 (TWO!) year old grabbed the controller when it was my turn and had a go…clearing 3 levels. THREE LEVELS. She can’t pronounce gymnastics, but she can school me in a game I spend hours in trying to clear all the pegs because the freaking Unicorn told me to.

I Wanna

… play Infamous. Playstation 3 is finally starting to show a promising line of exclusives that are pulling me towards finally owning it. Yes, as a game developer I should own all the consoles…but fuck you..it’s expensive and Sony’s being a giant dick of late. Infamous looks like all the fun of Crackdown, with all the killiness of Force Unleashed. With the Ico Team’s latest chapter and Heavy Rain coming to the platform, and nowhere else, I might just have to shell out cash to go buy one…and quickly stomp on Tretton’s foot on the way out.

That’s it for me this week.